Hadlie's favorite pastime!

So over the last few weeks, Hadlie has developed a new favorite past time! Take a look! LOL...

CRYING!!!!! LOL...I still think she's so cute when she's crying even though it wears on your nerves after a while. I think the most frustrating part is that I don't know what's wrong and I can't figure it out. I know crying is a way of communication for them and when I can't figure out what she's saying....it makes me feel so helpless.

I've called my mom more then a few times in the last 5 weeks just beyond exhausted and crying myself...so you think I'd have more empathy for my little angel! I was thinking she might be colic for a little bit, but I'm still not sure. She seems to have an upset belly a lot, or at least it grumbles all the time. I've started giving her gripe water and I think it's helping her pass gas a little bit better. I'm praying that maybe it's just a phase and that she'll be able to work through it in the next few weeks.

So there is so much more to being a new mom then I ever thought possible. I love her so much and I'm overwhelmed with the feeling of responsibility for her. I just want to do what's best for her.

When Hadlie was a few days old, she developed a little blister looking thing on her right eye lid. We didn't think too much of it at first, but then it started oozing yellow stuff and mom and my doctor thought it might be an infection. After waiting a little bit to see if it would go away on its own, we were prescribed a topical antibiotic and starting using it hoping that it would help. Well, it didn't. The blister remained and it would go through cycles where it would get big and fill with liquid and get bigger and then it would get smaller. Well the other day I was feeding her and when I took her off of me, I realized that her blister was filling with blood and it looked really bad. I was so scared and nervous and didn't know what to do. We debated going to the ER, but decided they would just tell us there wasn't anything that could be done. So we waited and on Monday, I called my doctor and texted him pictures of her eye. ( Love modern technology!) He called a dermatologist right away and got us in for the next morning. I had to go to the appt alone because Juan had a test in his class and let me tell you...it was not fun. The dermatologist was wonderfully helpful and reassuring, but he pretty much said he didn't know what it was and that we would need to do a biopsy on it. :-( They told me what they would do and then I left the room because I knew I wasn't going to be able to handle seeing her be cut. I waited in the waiting area and could hear her screaming from there. Needless to say, I starting balling. I can't think of many things worse then knowing your child is hurting and not being able to do anything about it. :-( I was so upset. They called me back in and said she'd done really well. They'd numbed her eyelid so she couldn't feel them cut off part of her eyelid, but it was still upsetting. Because there are so many blood vessels in the eye, her eye bled and bled and bled for quite a while. I felt so bad for her. She handled it like a champ though! We were given directions and instructions for taking care of her eyelid and then told that they would call us with update on what it exactly was once they get the results back from the lab. I'm nervous and hope that it's something fixable. Here is a picture of her eye after they cut off a chunk of it....

My poor little Angel! She handled it so well and hopefully we can figure out soon what's going on with her eye! Love! Love! Love this little girl!

On a happier note...we took Hadlie on a walk the other day and she seemed to really enjoy it. It's tough that she was born pretty much in the winter, but we took advantage of a slightly warmer day and took a little walk. Here she is just chillen in her stroller!

All in all we're hanging in there! Can't believe she's almost 6 weeks old already! The time has flown by and at the same time....crawled by. I'm really looking forward to figuring her wants and needs out even further and hoping we get on the same page soon!

The honest truth....

So this post is just to express my feelings and thoughts about life over the last month or so...I love my daughter very much and she's been so fun to watch grow and get bigger every day....but I'm going to be honest....being a mom is hard work. I know that most people are going to laugh at that and say, "duh," but I didn't know how much work it really was until I had one of my own. I wouldn't change it for the world, but the last month has been incredibly challenging. I could just sit here and pretend that everything is hunky dory and I have the perfect baby, but the truth is, that she's a high maintenance baby and is a lot of work! She cries a lot and it's so hard to try and figure out what's wrong with her when all of her cries sound the same and she can't talk to you... :-( I sometimes feel so overwhelmed and often call my mom in tears because I feel so inadequate and don't know what to do.

Breastfeeding has been incredibly challenging as well. I feel like I would rather give birth naturally again 10 times over then to face the challenges and pains of breastfeeding. The hardest part is that I know how good breast milk is for my little darling, and yet, I find myself wanting to quit it all the time! I feel so bad for having those thoughts, but I do...and often. Sometimes I wonder if I'm the only one who feels this way, but then I think, there's no way...other women have to feel this way too. It's still a daily struggle, but I'm still trying and that's what matters! It's been nice to talk to my mother, Liz and Jenna and hear their experiences and struggles as well. It makes me feel some hope!

Anyways, enough of my whining...I really do feel blessed to be this little girls mommy and every day that she grows and changes makes me happy and sad all at the same time! Juan is a very good father and I love seeing him with her...it's incredibly endearing. Everyone I've talked to says that it gets easier after about a month or a month and a half and I look forward to getting into a routine and figuring Hadlie's wants out more and more every day. I can't believe that it's almost been a month already since she was born...that thought alone makes me want to cry...it's going by way too fast!

 She loves sleeping on mommy like this! LOL...she looks so small compared to her mommy when she lays on me like that! So precious!

This is little Miss Hadlie on a really good day where she just chilled with her daddy and was content and not crying for a least an hour! LOL...she's so stinkin adorable! And I love the outfit that Aunt Sarah got for her!

Halloween!

So for any of you that know my husband...you know he's a huge fan of Batman! So it was a no brainer when I was a Target one day and I came across a Batman newborn outfit, that Hadlie was going to dress up as Batgirl for Halloween! Juan was thrilled when I showed him the outfit! And I must say....she was pretty darn cute! I had put her on my lap and was trying to take a picture and I said her name and she busted out in the really special smile! LOL...she wasn't even 2 weeks old and she was grinning like that! It melted my heart!

 

 She looks so incredibly small when she's held by her daddy! I LOVE this picture! He could not be a more proud daddy! And her little Bat cape is just too adorable! We didn't go out trick or treating of course because she was only a week and a half old, but we sure enjoyed dressing her up!

We actually had a costume change half way through the day too because Grandma Ralph had sent her an adorable little pumpkin outfit that we had to put her in too! This is her sleeping in her pumpkin costume!

Thank you so much for the adorable outfit Grandma! We love it!