Hadlie's favorite pastime!

So over the last few weeks, Hadlie has developed a new favorite past time! Take a look! LOL...

CRYING!!!!! LOL...I still think she's so cute when she's crying even though it wears on your nerves after a while. I think the most frustrating part is that I don't know what's wrong and I can't figure it out. I know crying is a way of communication for them and when I can't figure out what she's saying....it makes me feel so helpless.

I've called my mom more then a few times in the last 5 weeks just beyond exhausted and crying myself...so you think I'd have more empathy for my little angel! I was thinking she might be colic for a little bit, but I'm still not sure. She seems to have an upset belly a lot, or at least it grumbles all the time. I've started giving her gripe water and I think it's helping her pass gas a little bit better. I'm praying that maybe it's just a phase and that she'll be able to work through it in the next few weeks.

So there is so much more to being a new mom then I ever thought possible. I love her so much and I'm overwhelmed with the feeling of responsibility for her. I just want to do what's best for her.

When Hadlie was a few days old, she developed a little blister looking thing on her right eye lid. We didn't think too much of it at first, but then it started oozing yellow stuff and mom and my doctor thought it might be an infection. After waiting a little bit to see if it would go away on its own, we were prescribed a topical antibiotic and starting using it hoping that it would help. Well, it didn't. The blister remained and it would go through cycles where it would get big and fill with liquid and get bigger and then it would get smaller. Well the other day I was feeding her and when I took her off of me, I realized that her blister was filling with blood and it looked really bad. I was so scared and nervous and didn't know what to do. We debated going to the ER, but decided they would just tell us there wasn't anything that could be done. So we waited and on Monday, I called my doctor and texted him pictures of her eye. ( Love modern technology!) He called a dermatologist right away and got us in for the next morning. I had to go to the appt alone because Juan had a test in his class and let me tell you...it was not fun. The dermatologist was wonderfully helpful and reassuring, but he pretty much said he didn't know what it was and that we would need to do a biopsy on it. :-( They told me what they would do and then I left the room because I knew I wasn't going to be able to handle seeing her be cut. I waited in the waiting area and could hear her screaming from there. Needless to say, I starting balling. I can't think of many things worse then knowing your child is hurting and not being able to do anything about it. :-( I was so upset. They called me back in and said she'd done really well. They'd numbed her eyelid so she couldn't feel them cut off part of her eyelid, but it was still upsetting. Because there are so many blood vessels in the eye, her eye bled and bled and bled for quite a while. I felt so bad for her. She handled it like a champ though! We were given directions and instructions for taking care of her eyelid and then told that they would call us with update on what it exactly was once they get the results back from the lab. I'm nervous and hope that it's something fixable. Here is a picture of her eye after they cut off a chunk of it....

My poor little Angel! She handled it so well and hopefully we can figure out soon what's going on with her eye! Love! Love! Love this little girl!

On a happier note...we took Hadlie on a walk the other day and she seemed to really enjoy it. It's tough that she was born pretty much in the winter, but we took advantage of a slightly warmer day and took a little walk. Here she is just chillen in her stroller!

All in all we're hanging in there! Can't believe she's almost 6 weeks old already! The time has flown by and at the same time....crawled by. I'm really looking forward to figuring her wants and needs out even further and hoping we get on the same page soon!

The honest truth....

So this post is just to express my feelings and thoughts about life over the last month or so...I love my daughter very much and she's been so fun to watch grow and get bigger every day....but I'm going to be honest....being a mom is hard work. I know that most people are going to laugh at that and say, "duh," but I didn't know how much work it really was until I had one of my own. I wouldn't change it for the world, but the last month has been incredibly challenging. I could just sit here and pretend that everything is hunky dory and I have the perfect baby, but the truth is, that she's a high maintenance baby and is a lot of work! She cries a lot and it's so hard to try and figure out what's wrong with her when all of her cries sound the same and she can't talk to you... :-( I sometimes feel so overwhelmed and often call my mom in tears because I feel so inadequate and don't know what to do.

Breastfeeding has been incredibly challenging as well. I feel like I would rather give birth naturally again 10 times over then to face the challenges and pains of breastfeeding. The hardest part is that I know how good breast milk is for my little darling, and yet, I find myself wanting to quit it all the time! I feel so bad for having those thoughts, but I do...and often. Sometimes I wonder if I'm the only one who feels this way, but then I think, there's no way...other women have to feel this way too. It's still a daily struggle, but I'm still trying and that's what matters! It's been nice to talk to my mother, Liz and Jenna and hear their experiences and struggles as well. It makes me feel some hope!

Anyways, enough of my whining...I really do feel blessed to be this little girls mommy and every day that she grows and changes makes me happy and sad all at the same time! Juan is a very good father and I love seeing him with her...it's incredibly endearing. Everyone I've talked to says that it gets easier after about a month or a month and a half and I look forward to getting into a routine and figuring Hadlie's wants out more and more every day. I can't believe that it's almost been a month already since she was born...that thought alone makes me want to cry...it's going by way too fast!

 She loves sleeping on mommy like this! LOL...she looks so small compared to her mommy when she lays on me like that! So precious!

This is little Miss Hadlie on a really good day where she just chilled with her daddy and was content and not crying for a least an hour! LOL...she's so stinkin adorable! And I love the outfit that Aunt Sarah got for her!

Halloween!

So for any of you that know my husband...you know he's a huge fan of Batman! So it was a no brainer when I was a Target one day and I came across a Batman newborn outfit, that Hadlie was going to dress up as Batgirl for Halloween! Juan was thrilled when I showed him the outfit! And I must say....she was pretty darn cute! I had put her on my lap and was trying to take a picture and I said her name and she busted out in the really special smile! LOL...she wasn't even 2 weeks old and she was grinning like that! It melted my heart!

 

 She looks so incredibly small when she's held by her daddy! I LOVE this picture! He could not be a more proud daddy! And her little Bat cape is just too adorable! We didn't go out trick or treating of course because she was only a week and a half old, but we sure enjoyed dressing her up!

We actually had a costume change half way through the day too because Grandma Ralph had sent her an adorable little pumpkin outfit that we had to put her in too! This is her sleeping in her pumpkin costume!

Thank you so much for the adorable outfit Grandma! We love it!

1st Bath...1st Blow out...1st Hickey....she's growing TOO fast!!!

So I really need to make sure I keep up with this blog as I know I'm going to look back and regret it if I don't! And I really want Hadlie to have memories and be able to see what she was like as a baby!

I was so grateful to have my mom here for over 2 weeks to help me out! Man oh man did she help me so much! Needless to say, when she left....I cried...and cried...and cried some more! LOL...these hormones are out of control! As a first time mom, I was just nervous and anxious and felt like I didn't know what I was doing! Thankfully I have an amazingly helpful, patient and understanding husband!

                                                       

Proud new daddy to his baby girl!

Anyways, while my mom was here, she cooked, cleaned, organized, kept me sane, stripped my membranes, helped coach me through labor and delivery, took pictures, gave me advice, encouragement, love and support....I'm so incredibly grateful for the wonderful mother I have. SHE'S THE BEST! Before she left, she was able to show Juan and I how to give little Hadlie a bath and she made it look very easy....it's not. LOL

Grandma and Hadlie

 

 

 

This is me trying to hard to memorize everything mom is doing and Juan taking pictures of the big event! Hadlie obviously didn't love the bath...LOL..she's so stinkin cute!

So while I was up in Seattle for the Ralph family reunion, my family threw me a surprise baby shower....and when I say surprise....I mean SURPRISE!!! I'm usually pretty good about sniffing things out, but I literally had no idea that they were planning on doing something like that for me....it meant the WORLD to me and I was so moved and so touched that they would do that for me! It was a perfect shower too! Having all of my sisters there except Sarah and family and friends just meant the so much to me. Part of what they did was they got a bunch of diapers and wrote little sayings on the front of them so that I'd get a good laugh or give me a reason to smile at 2 in the morning when I'm changing her for the 3rd time that night! LOL...it happens. Anyways...I've gotten a good kick out of the sayings and Hadlie decided she wanted to have her first blow out in this one.....

It made me laugh and I had to text it to Liz right away because I knew she'd get a kick out of it too! Good job little Miss Hadlie!

So breastfeeding has not come easy for me....as I'm sure it doesn't for most women...but man, it's been a real struggle! I'm hoping Hadlie and I can get on the same page soon when it comes to breast feeding and that I start having enough supply to feel like she's getting enough to eat. The other day, Juan was holding his little girl and she was not happy that she wasn't be fed yet...I was trying to get ready to feed her...so in an effort to calm his daughter down...he let her suck on his cheek for a second or two...or three...LOL...a few hours later, Juan comes in the living room and points on that his daughter had given him a hickey on his cheek! LOL....mommy laughed very hard at that one! She sure had! LOL....daddy put her in time out! JK!

Daddy with a hickey from his little girl on his cheek! LOL...love it!

She's HERE!!!!!!!!!

Okay, so you'll have to bare with me as this is probably going to be a very long, somewhat sappy, emotional, and over detailed post! But I want to be able to have these posts to look back and remember what I was thinking and feeling at this time in my life! So here it goes!!!

Hadlie Elena Salcedo made her arrival on Friday, October 18th, 2013 at 1:18 in the morning. She weighed in at a tiny little 6 lbs 4 oz and 19 inches long! She's PERFECT! Her daddy and I could not be more thrilled!

So how did it happen you're wondering I bet...well, I was 5 days over my due date, on Thursday, the 17th. I felt like I had been doing everything to get this little girl to come, with the exception of taking castrol oil! :-/ But I had been walking, stair climbing, taking herbs, bouncing on a big inflatable ball, drinking tea...it seemed like I was doing a lot and still, little missy wasn't quite ready. So Thursday morning comes along and I decided I'd have my mom strip my membranes. What harm could come from it right? So that morning, she strips my membranes and I proceed to get ready and go to work. I had been feeling uncomfortable the whole day because of the striping, but I didn't think too much about it cuz that happened the other times I'd been stripped too. Anyways, after work, mom and I headed up to Salt Lake to pick Susan up who had a layover in Salt Lake for a few hours before she went on to St. Louis for work meetings. Liz and her 3 kids followed in their car and we met up at the airport and decided to head to the City Creek Mall to a play place for the kiddos!

OH MY GOSH....I forgot to tell you that Liz totally surprised me and flew in with her 3 kids all by herself to be here for my delivery! I was shocked when I saw her because I didn't think there was any way that she was going to be able to make it...I was thrilled to have her there! She and my mom and Juan made a wonderful team for me during my labor! Okay, so back to the story, so we head to City Creek and grab a bite to eat and as soon as we got to the mall, I started having some pretty uncomfortable feelings down there...I wasn't quite sure if it was contractions, so I didn't say anything, cuz I didn't want to get people all worked up for nothing. That was around 6:00-6:30ish....and we stayed there till about 7:15 when we had to drop Susan back off at the airport. This whole time I'm having contractions, but they're pretty spread out and not bad enough that you could tell I was even in labor...but I suspected that I was. I was even having contractions while driving on the way back home from the airport...that wasn't super comfortable either, but I still didn't want to say anything. We got back home around 8 and I immediately jumped into the shower...something about the hot water just made me feel more at ease. At this point, the contractions started coming a little more regularly and I stayed in the shower just rocking back and forth for about a half hour while my mom and Juan watched Harry Potter. LOL...they had a Harry Potter marathon going on! When I got out of the shower, I decided it was probably time that I said something about thinking I was in labor because at that point, the contractions were about 4-5 min apart and getting so I had to breath through them with a little more focus. So I got out of the shower and got dressed and came out to the living room and said, "well, I think I'm in labor..." to which they were like, "cool...." and kept watching their movie! LOL...at that point there really wasn't anything they could do, so i didn't mind. I walked around the apartment, bounced on the bouncy ball, laid on my bed, rocked in my glider chair and had Juan put some counter pressure on my back as I leaned over the ottoman....all while trying to stay calm and relaxed.

At this point, it's probably around 11 o'clock and I'm starting to have these contractions closer and closer. At this point, they're about 2-3 min apart and getting more intense. I really wanted to let my mom and Juan finish Harry Potter, but around 11:30, my mom decides that it's time to go and we head to the hospital. I had texted Liz earlier and told her I was in labor and so she met us in the parking lot of the hospital....timed it perfectly! We got up to labor and delivery, and they took us to a room and the nurse checked me and I was a 4! A 4! Are you kidding me!?! I was so bummed! After all that work and I was only a 4! Man, I'm not going to lie, I was pretty disheartened! The nurse then said, "well, we'll monitor her for an hour to see if we'll keep her here or if we'll send her home." Stupid nurse...I was in full blown labor and she wants to send me home....I wanted to wring her neck. Anyways, as soon as she left the room, I feel a gush of something down south and my mom tells me that my water has broken! Yup, definitely not going home now! Liz then turns to me and says, "now it's going to start getting intense!" Great! Cuz it wasn't intense before this is what I thought! LOL...she was right! For the next hour, Liz, mom and Juan, coached, breathed and helped me through the contractions as I desperately wanted to have this baby naturally and not get an epidural. An hour later, my mom told the nurse that she thought I should be checked and at first, the nurse said she didn't like checking patients that are going naturally too often cuz it really hurts them, but to be honest, not one check I'd ever gotten had hurt me, so I don't know what she was talking about. Needless to say, mom insisted and she checked me during a break in contractions...at this point, I turned to my mom and said, "If I'm only dilated 5 cm then I'm getting the epidural....there was no way that I had done that much work and focus over the last hour only to be dilated 1 more cm. My mom pointed out, much to my chagrin that it was normal to dilate only 1 cm an hour...:-( not what i wanted to hear! LOL...but alas, the nurse checked me at about 12:30 and I was a 7!!!! Yay! Woot! Woot! A 7! Man, those words were music to my ears!

At that point, I had a renewed sense of...."I can do this!" I had been laboring on my side, laying down in the hospital bed for that last hour and at this point, my mom had me get up and go sit on the toilet. I sat on the toilet during a rest period, but as soon as a contraction came, I'd get up and lean over Liz and Juan and they'd rock me back and forth and I'd try not to bite Juan's neck and pull Liz's hair! LOL...I tried really hard to stay focused, but I'm not going to lie, I lost it a few times! My team was incredibly patient and good with me though! About 20 min after being checked and told I was a 7, I started to make different sounds and I guess it was an indication to my mom that I needed to be checked again, because I was doing more of a grunt instead of just breathing. The nurse agreed cuz she could hear the change in my tone as well and promptly checked me. I was.....COMPLETE!!!!! Oh my gosh....MUSIC TO MY EARS!!!! I could not believe that I had gone from a 7cm to a 10cm in 20 min! Hallelujah!!! The nurse had me get back on the bed and everyone started getting prepped for me to push this baby out! After getting some coaching from my mom and the nurse, they had me push with the contractions and after 4 or 5 contractions and about 7 or 8 pushes....little Miss Hadlie was born! What an amazing feeling! I can't even describe how it feels to hold your child for the first time! The feeling of accomplishment was overwhelming! Something that I'd desperately wanted and set out to do, I had accomplished and I could not have been more proud! As my mom pointed out, I got everything I wanted. I didn't want to be induced, I wanted to labor at home, and I wanted to have this baby naturally! And I wanted her born on an even day! LOL...don't judge me! How blessed I am to have had such a wonderful labor and delivery! From start to finish, about 6 hours...Thanks mom for having quick labors too! I know I couldn't have done it without my amazing team and I'll forever be grateful to have had my mom, my sister Liz and of course my wonderful husband Juan there to work me through it all!

I had a 2nd degree tear and so while they stitched me up, they checked all of Hadlie's vitals and she looked really good. She was a tiny little thing for being 5 days over due....but perfectly healthy otherwise. They packed us up from the delivery room and wheeled us downstairs to our recovery room and Juan went with Hadlie to watch her be bathed and foot-printed and what not. As exhausted as I was, I couldn't sleep and my mind was going crazy! We have a daughter! I'm a mom! To a beautiful little girl! It still seems so surreal! I'm trying to think of anything I left out of my story, but nothing is coming to mind. I would post a whole bunch of pictures, but they're all on my mom's camera and I need to get them from her before I can post them! I'll get on that!

                                                               Our Little Angel Hadlie!

One week to go!

Whelp, today is my 39 week mark! That's so crazy to me...to be honest, the time really has seemed to have flown by. I think it was a combination of having been blessed with a relatively tame pregnancy and staying busy with work and life in general. Either way, I can't believe I"ll be holding my daughter in my arms in a matter of a week or two! I'm so excited! Her nursery is pretty much done and although it's not painted and decorated super cutesy, I like it and I know she'll like it!

 Here are pictures of her nursery! My dear friend Lacy got me the crib and changing table for my baby shower and I was blessed to have wonderful family and friends throw me beautiful baby showers and help me get way more ready for little Miss Hadlie then I was before! I need to get the pictures from my family baby shower so that I can blog about that....it meant the world to me!

Here's the outfit that I want her to come home in too! I just think it's so adorable! Juan wasn't super keen on it, but that's probably because it was a batgirl outfit! LOL...that'll come for Halloween! He's very excited to meet his little girl and I know he'll be a wonderful daddy to her!

My mom comes this Wednesday and I'm very excited to have her here. As long as she gets here before baby comes, then I'm good with baby coming anytime after that! I've been trying to focus on being very positive and at peace about what's going to happen with my daughters delivery. I know it'll all work out and I know that I can bring her into this world naturally through the miracle and gift that is my body. I've wanted this my whole life and I can't wait to meet her and feel the joy of motherhood! I have a wonderful support system which I'm incredibly grateful for and I am very blessed!

Flash back to the good ol days!

We had our anatomy scan this week....

AND EVERYTHING LOOKED GOOD!!! I was so relieved. Of course I was nervous because this is where they're able to determine is something is severely wrong with your child. I was anxious to make sure that it was still a little girl and IT IS! I was really excited and so was Juan....he's been so cute about having a little girl! Anyways, our tech was really nice and she walked us through everything. She made the heart, legs, arms, brain, lips, and lungs looked good. She said everything looked good and it was so neat to see our little girl growing bigger and bigger. I'm getting more and more excited to see her and be able to hold her now that it's becoming more and more real! Ahhhh....I"m gonna be a mom! How crazy is that?!? We have so much to do to get ready, but we're taking it one day at a time! Very thrilled that everything looks good with baby Hadlie though! Love her so much already!

Vivid dream....

So I've been having what seem like very real dreams lately. I had one the other night that really confused me. We found out about a month ago that we were having a little girl, but ever since then, I've secretly wondered if it was a little boy. We have our 20 week anatomy scan tomorrow, so as long as baby cooperates, we'll find out for sure if she's a she and if everything is going good with her growth. I'm really nervous for it to be honest. But anyways, my dream was that I was in the hospital and delivery our baby and when I actually delivered our baby, it turned out that it wasn't a little girl, but instead, it was a little boy! I was so shocked and to be honest, I feel bad saying this....but I was a little bummed because I know Juan really wants a little girl. I told Juan about it when I woke up, and he laughed off my dream, but I haven't been able to stop thinking about it since then. I won't be disappointed either way if it's a boy or girl, as long as our baby is healthy and growing well. I know my husband will be shocked if it turns out to be a little boy, but I won't be surprised in the slightest, mostly because of the dreams that I've been having and the feeling that I can't shake that maybe it is a little boy after all....hopefully not, because that means we've been calling him little Hadlie for the last month! :-) He's going to be traumatized before he's even born! I will let you know next blog post for sure what happens at our ultrasound and how everything went! Can't believe I'm 20 weeks already and half way through my pregnancy! Crazy how fast time flies!

Another week come and gone....

Helllooooooo everyone! LOL...the funny thing about that is that no one is reading this blog yet, so I"m pretty much just writing and talking to myself! Good times! I wish I had something fun and exciting to report for this week, but alas, I do not. Work has been going okay, I've found myself a bit distracted at work lately, which can be a problem if I don't perform to my standards. So I definitely need to work on that. I'm still feeling pretty good with my pregnancy...all things considered. I'm so excited for the day when I don't have to pee 20 times a day though! We have our anatomy scan next week and of course I'm nervous for it....I'm praying everything is healthy and normal with her. I'm trying not to focus on it too much, or else I get anxiety about it, but I can't help but be nervous that something could be wrong. ANYWAYS....Jenny, Juan and I went and saw the new Star Trek movie this week and it was AWESOME! It was really good...I highly recommend it! There's a few movies coming out soon that look really good...we'll have to go see them all! Whelp...that's about all I got for you folks! I"ll write again next week! Until then....ta ta!

Maggie May!!!

Another week has come and gone! As much as they seem to be crawling by, they are actually going by pretty quick! The big event of this week is that Peta had her little baby girl on Saturday, May 11th! She became a mother the day before Mother's Day! I was so excited when I got the text from Jeff and he said that her water had broken and that they were in the hospital in labor! Ahhhhh!!!! Of course I"m stuck at work on one of the busiest selling days of the year, but they kept me updated via text on her progress! It worked out perfectly too because Peta's mom and twin sister Jennifer flew in the very same day that Peta had her little girl! I was able to go to the hospital that night and wait for her to have her baby with Jenny and her mom! It was so fun to see Peta as a mommy! She had her little girl, Maggie May Clark that night and she weighed 7 lbs 15 oz and was 19 inches long! It made me really excited and anxious for the time when my little girl makes her big debut! I'm so excited for Peta and know she'll make a wonderful mother!

Boy or Girl? Boy or Girl? Boy or Girl? The verdict is in!

         So I know you usually find out what you're having at your 20 week ultrasound, but I don't know how first time moms can wait that long! I was so incredibly anxious to find out that we decided to get an early ultrasound done at 16 weeks to find out what we're having. Man, oh man was it nerve wracking! I kept thinking, what if they can't tell, what if something is wrong, what if? what if? what if? So many what if's? Alas, it all turned out great in the end. The ultrasound technician took us into the back room and made us feel very comfortable. It was really neat because she had a big screen TV hooked up to the machine so that I just had to look directly in front of me and could see everything that she was seeing. I thought I was going to have to turn and strain my neck to get a glimpse, but thankfully the technology these days is top notch! Anyways, she started scanning and pointing out our babies arms, legs, spine and it was the coolest thing to see! Then she goes, "oh, there we go!" She asked if we could see what she was pointing at and we said that we couldn't see anything, and she said, "that's because there's nothing there....you're having a little GIRL!!!!!!" AHHHHHHH!!!!!  I was seriously shocked....I just knew it was a little boy and to find out it was a girl was really thrilling! Juan was so excited...it made my heart melt to hear him call her his little princess and just be thrilled to be having a daughter.

     As soon as we left the appointment, we called my parents and told them our good news and then continued on calling and texting the rest of the family...it was fun and exciting to hear everyone be excited and happy for us. Since my sister Sarah just entered the MTC a week ago, I went and ordered a half dozen cupcakes in girly colors and had them sent to her at the MTC so she would know that it was a little girl....she'll be thrilled....that's what she thought it was! Anyways, that's my good news for the week and I'm excited for the next milestones I"ll start having with my little daughter!
    

Well, this is my first official foray into the world of blogging! I'm actually pretty excited about it and I'm sure I"ll be learning as I go! My sister Liz has been begging me to start a blog for quite some time now, so I"m sure she's going to be thrilled about this! I know this is a bit cliche, but the reason I finally decided to start a blog and keep up with one is because.....WE'RE PREGNANT!!!

Here I am at 13 weeks!

We had been trying to get pregnant since we got married and I ended up having to take the medicine clomid to make this happen, but thankfully, on the first round....IT TOOK! We're thrilled to be expecting our first little one on October 13th! I am now 16 weeks along and have kept quiet for the most part, just out of nervousness for the situation and wanting to make sure that I was far enough along before I announced it to the world. We find out soon if we're going to be having a boy or a girl! I've felt from the beginning that it was a little boy, and my husband thinks it's a little girl, so it'll be fun to finally find out! I'm so grateful for the love and support I've received from my husband and family...it's been wonderful. I look forward to keeping you all updated on what's going on with us and our progress towards parenthood! Love you all!